Afterschool Meltdowns

After a long day at school or daycare, your child might experience what is known as an Afterschool Meltdown. Throughout the day, kids are expected to follow directions, stick to routines, and manage their emotions in new and sometimes stressful settings. When they come home to a place where they feel safe, they may let out all the emotions they’ve been holding in. This sudden release of stress and emotion is called an Afterschool Meltdown or restraint collapse.

Helpful Tips:

Bring Calm Energy to the Situation

As adults, having an understanding of a child's schedule helps us anticipate and prepare for potential meltdowns. This awareness allows us, as parents and caregivers, to bring a calm energy to that first interaction after school. You know what time your child gets off the bus or is picked up. Plan on taking a few moments to center ourselves before greeting them—whether by taking deep breaths, listening to a relaxing song, or setting aside distractions—helps us be fully present and supportive during this important transition

Create a Calming Routine -

Set up a calm and predictable routine for when your child comes home or shows signs of stress. This may include calming activities like reading, drawing, or listening to music. Have a cozy space where they can go to relax and unwind. It can be helpful to involve your child in creating this routine and choosing their calming space and what can be in it. Remember to do this ahead of time with them, since coming up with ideas to calm down when you’re already stressed is hard!

• Try saying, “I know sometimes when you come home from daycare/school, you need a little time to yourself to relax. Let’s set up a few things to help. Can you think of something cozy to have here? What about something to do that helps you feel calm?”

Physical Activity -

Some kids may need to move their bodies and be physically active when they get home from school to release built-up energy and stress. Encourage activities like jumping on a trampoline, riding a bike, playing outside, or even having a dance party. Physical activity can help them shake off the tension of the day and reset emotionally, making it easier for them to transition into their evening routine feeling calmer and more focused.

Teach Coping Strategies –

You can teach your child simple ways to cope with stress, like taking a deep breath, counting to 10, holding a comforting toy or hugging a loved one or pet, or imagining a peaceful place.  Make sure the strategies are easy for your child to use in moments of distress. Practice these strategies when your child is calm so they are familiar and so they can use them when they are upset.

• Try it: Most young children need support from their trusted adults to use these activities. Sit with your child on your lap or next to you. If you can, sit up straight, shoulders back. Take a couple deep breaths-breath in through your nose for 5 seconds, let it out through your mouth for 5 seconds. Invite your child to participate with you, but don’t react if they don’t. They’re learning just from watching you.
  • “Do you want to take a deep breath with me?”
  • “You try it.”
  • “I’m pretending there’s a balloon I’m trying to fill up.”
  • “Can you blow over that toy over all the way over there?”
  • “I’m breathing in.......and out.....it’s making me feel calmer.”

After Afterschool Meltdowns –

After your child has calmed down, you can talk about what happened and how they were feeling. This can be later, before bedtime, on a walk with just you (no siblings around), or another quiet time. Briefly talking about it from your perspective helps them understand and talk about their emotions. For example, you can share if you started feeling upset, and name the emotions you were feeling and what you did to calm yourself down. It’s normal for you to have felt frustrated in the moment too–-letting them know what you were feeling can help them see that everyone has emotions. Let them know you love them no matter what and that it’s okay to talk about feelings together. Young children may not be able to reflect on what they were thinking and feeling in that moment yet. If your child does not want to talk about their own feelings or behaviors, let it go and move on with your day.

Children’s Book Ideas:

• My Body Sends a Signal, by Natalia Maguire (Read-Aloud)
  • This book helps to recognize the emotions they’re feeling and express them to others.
• B is for Breathe, by Dr. Melissa Munro Boyd (Read-Aloud)
  • This book helps introduce a variety of coping skills to children.
• My Peaceful Place, by Dr. Natalie Nordlund (Read-Aloud)
  • Children are introduced to the guided imagery strategy of visualizing their own special peaceful place with all their senses when experiencing big emotions.

Helpful Videos:

• Elmo Manages His Emotions With “I Notice, I Feel, I Can”
  • In this video, Elmo and his dad teach kids about understanding their feelings and how to manage challenging emotions using a simple three-step strategy: "I Notice, I Feel, I Can.”
• Belly Breathe song from Sesame Street with Common and Colbie Caillat
  • In this song, children are taught how to belly breathe when they need to “calm their monster.”
• Bubble Breath, a GoNoodle video
  • A video guiding children to take deep “bubble breaths,” including both English and Spanish.
• Be the Pond, a Cosmic Kids Zen Den video
  • This video helps to explain in a kid-friendly way that we are separate from our feelings. They come and go - and we can observe them - without getting swept up by them. A metaphor is introduced of our mind being like a pond full of fish and the fish are our feelings. If we remember Be The Pond (and not the fish), we can let those feelings swim by.